Time to let go

People always say that if you want something badly enough you should never give up because anything is possible or attainable if you try hard enough. Sadly this isn't always relevant when it comes to love. I ought to know because for the past 3 years I've been in love with someone but things never quite worked out the way I wanted. I tried really hard to prove to this person that I loved him and that I would do anything for him but nothing I did or said really changed anything. Recently I found out that he's moved onto someone else but for some reason, even though I knew that I needed to forget about the possibility of us ever being a couple, my heart refused to give up. People have told me to move on for so long and deep down I knew it was the right thing to do, but I just couldn't do it.

This morning, however, I found something else out about him and something finally clicked and I knew that things were officially over. It was one of the worst feelings in the world. I felt like something inside me died and all day I felt really empty. I think it's funny that you can have 100 people tell you the right thing to do and in your mind you know they're right, but it takes one little thing to finally make you realize that it's time to let go.

Anyway, if my life were a book, this would be the end of one of the longest chapters in my life and time for a new and more rewarding one to begin. I wish I could just skip to the good part.

Pensive-induced insomnia

So I was really tired and ready for bed but as I got under the covers I started my usual pondering. I started thinking about how I'm really considering leaving NYC sooner than later and whether or not this is the right choice. Do I give living here more of a chance? I always believe that time is money and at my age I can't afford to waste any of it. However, I then started wondering what it would be like if I did leave and go to CA. I started kind of thinking about the possibility of things not working out once I'm out there. Really I think I'm just getting cold feet because it would be a complete new start. Changes like these always excite me but a little part of me also tends to get a bit scared. I suppose that's natural. All I know is that I'm not feeling being here right now. I think a big part of it is that I've met too many jerks and this is discouraging for me. I also miss driving my car and I just don't get to do that enough out here. I feel like I spend most of my life in the subway and I'm not a fan.

Blah, I really need to take a break from thinking and get to sleep.