One year later

It's officially May and you know what that means? It's been almost a year since I returned to Brooklyn. It's kind of crazy to think that I've been back for that long already and it's really got me thinking about things. My move back here was a last-minute decision based on circumstances beyond my control so it wasn't entirely planned out. Fortunately things like finding a job have worked out well, however, I am still not sold on the idea of staying in NYC long-term. I'm not sure this is the lifestyle I want for the rest of my life. I promised myself I'd give it a shot to see how things go, but so far I'm not sure I want to stay here. Despite the length of time that I've been back, I still don't feel at home and I miss the quality of life that I had in other states. Ultimately the lifestyle I want would not be one that I would have if I stayed in the city. Most people here would think I was crazy if I told them what I want because it sounds so cliche and boring but it's what I seek. I want to have a big modern house in a nice quiet neighborhood that I can drive home to (emphasis on drive) every night where I would be greeted by my dog(s) and future husband. If I stay in NYC I wouldn't have a big modern house, I'd be commuting home on the train and I'd probably be single because everyone who's single out here seems to be too busy to have a relationship. These are the things I consider when I think about the possibility of staying here. I think that deep down I know I won't stay, it's a matter of getting myself together and planning my escape. Anyway, it's something I'll just have to figure out by the end of the year. I will say that thought of a new adventure excites me and what keeps me going each day. It's funny to think how many people out there would envy me for living in NYC. It's not terrible, I just don't think it's right for me.

Springtime Strep

So last week my throat started hurting a bit but I didn't really think much of it. I hoped that it was minor and would go away on its own. After a couple of days it seemed to improve but then returned with a vengeance this week. The past two nights were especially painful to the point that I could not sleep through the night. I knew I had to go see a doctor. Fortunately I was off from work today and I found a doctor in the area and went first thing in the morning. Today was one of those days that I was so thankful that I have a car. I would've hated to have to take public transportation feeling the way I did this morning. Plus, that's probably how I got sick in the first place.

Anyway, it turns out I had Strep throat so the doctor gave me a prescription for antibiotics and 5 days worth of a steroid to help reduce the swelling in my throat because it was that bad. The first thing that came to mind when she said steroid was "will it make me fat?" but I didn't bother asking. I figure it's only 5 days. How much harm can that do, right? Well let's hope so anyway.

It's funny though, I started thinking about how your priorities change when you're sick. For example, this morning my sister texted me to ask me if I was going shopping this weekend (it's Macy's friends & family this weekend) and I was annoyed that a) she texted me before 9 am (I was only up this early because I thought I was going to die from the excruciating pain) and b)shopping was the last thing on my mind at this point. In fact, things that normally matter to me on a day to day basis meant nothing. All I wanted was to be healthy again. I guess it also made me realize that I ought to be more thankful for the fact that I rarely get sick and when I do it's never anything major.

Anyway, I spent all day in bed today and am already starting to feel better. Can't wait to be my old self again!

Where are you?

Today the weather was really warm. You can tell that Spring is right around the corner and I don't like it. Whenever temperatures rise, the number of annoying couples out in public tends to multiply greatly and this is the last thing you want to see when you're single. I'm sure that judging from my previous posts you can tell that I strongly dislike being single and as a result, I hate Spring! I'm tired of being the single one and do not intend on being single forever but being that I've decided not to date until I move out of NYC, it will be a while before I am once again in a relationship.

Right now I can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel but one day I will hopefully find someone that can truly make me happy. Sometimes I think about that and I wonder where this person is. Where is he and what is he doing right now? Is he wondering the same thing about me? How much longer must I wait before we meet? Some days feel like that day will never come, but I have to remain hopeful that one day I shall find my one.

Time to let go

People always say that if you want something badly enough you should never give up because anything is possible or attainable if you try hard enough. Sadly this isn't always relevant when it comes to love. I ought to know because for the past 3 years I've been in love with someone but things never quite worked out the way I wanted. I tried really hard to prove to this person that I loved him and that I would do anything for him but nothing I did or said really changed anything. Recently I found out that he's moved onto someone else but for some reason, even though I knew that I needed to forget about the possibility of us ever being a couple, my heart refused to give up. People have told me to move on for so long and deep down I knew it was the right thing to do, but I just couldn't do it.

This morning, however, I found something else out about him and something finally clicked and I knew that things were officially over. It was one of the worst feelings in the world. I felt like something inside me died and all day I felt really empty. I think it's funny that you can have 100 people tell you the right thing to do and in your mind you know they're right, but it takes one little thing to finally make you realize that it's time to let go.

Anyway, if my life were a book, this would be the end of one of the longest chapters in my life and time for a new and more rewarding one to begin. I wish I could just skip to the good part.

Pensive-induced insomnia

So I was really tired and ready for bed but as I got under the covers I started my usual pondering. I started thinking about how I'm really considering leaving NYC sooner than later and whether or not this is the right choice. Do I give living here more of a chance? I always believe that time is money and at my age I can't afford to waste any of it. However, I then started wondering what it would be like if I did leave and go to CA. I started kind of thinking about the possibility of things not working out once I'm out there. Really I think I'm just getting cold feet because it would be a complete new start. Changes like these always excite me but a little part of me also tends to get a bit scared. I suppose that's natural. All I know is that I'm not feeling being here right now. I think a big part of it is that I've met too many jerks and this is discouraging for me. I also miss driving my car and I just don't get to do that enough out here. I feel like I spend most of my life in the subway and I'm not a fan.

Blah, I really need to take a break from thinking and get to sleep.

Time to give up?

I am so sick of the dating scene in NYC. It just plain sucks. If you think the economy sucks, try dating in this economy. It's the worst thing ever! I've basically paid for dates 3 times in the past 6 months and most other times my so-called date and I have split the bill. What ever happened to a guy paying for a first date? Is that now reserved for a certain kind of girl or has everyone gone cheap? I can't stand to go on yet another bad date so I think I just give up completely. I think I'll just focus my efforts on getting the hell out of this place...

New year, new blog entry

My poor, poor neglected blog. Why don't I update you more often? I'm sure my reader(s) wants to read about things such as all the bad dates I've been on and how much I despise the MTA. This year I must be better about doing so, starting with tomorrow night. ;)