Old songs, new meanings

I've always loved music and it's always been an important part of my life. Certain bands are especially dear to me because their music helped me get through difficult times in the past. When I was in high school I primarily listened to heavy metal because a lot of the songs have an angry sound to them and they matched my emotions at the time. Although metal was my favorite, I also listened to more mellow rock. I loved rock ballads even though I couldn't necessarily relate to the general topic, lost love (I never dated in high school. I know, pathetic). Anyway, years passed and my taste in music has changed slightly. I'm not saying that I no longer like the music I listened to back then, but my genre of music of choice now has evolved a bit. As a result, there are a lot of albums that I haven't listened to in years.

Earlier tonight, while driving to the grocery store, I pulled out an Aerosmith CD that I hadn't played in a while and I listened to track after track. Suddenly, this one track started playing that I remembered loving, not because I could relate to it at the time, but because it was just a good song. Tonight, however, it had a new meaning for me because tonight I could relate to what Steven Tyler was feeling when he wrote those lyrics. It made me love the song so much more and once again, music is there to help me get through a tough time.

Help me! I'm addicted to Facebook!

Lately on my days off, or when I am not at work, all I do is lay on my couch and go online. A lot of my time is spent on Facebook updating my status, responding to other people's status messages, and responding to other people's responses to my status/pictures. When I am not at home on my computer I'll log onto Facebook on the mobile app on my G1. I know I'm not the only one who does this but it's getting addicting. Is it pathetic? Probably. At least I'm not the only one. I must say, I definitely have a tendency to get addicted to anything online. Makes me wish I'd pursued being an online editor after I graduated college like I had thought about.

I'd make a bad, bad parent

So as you know, I have a Shih-Tzu named Perry. I love him very much and don't know what I'd do without him. At this point he's pretty much all I have and he keeps me busy. There are days when I probably wouldn't get out of bed if it weren't for him.

Despite my love for him I haven't been giving him the attention he deserves. I've been so wrapped up in my pathetic life that I haven't really thought much about him. I walk him, feel him, play with him for a little while if he asks to play, but that's pretty much it. I realized that I've been ignoring him the other day when I was walking him and noticed that he went to the bathroom on the grass. Now, for most dogs this isn't a big deal. In fact that's what dogs do, they poop on grass, but not Perry. For the longest time he's avoided grass and if I picked him up and put him on it he'd run off. I always thought it was funny. Anyway, the other day I was walking him and looked down to realize that I was standing on grass and he was pooping on it. He actually had been doing so for days but I hadn't even thought about how for him this is a big deal. That was when I realized that I was being selfish by not paying much attention to him and just worrying about my own problems. My poor baby! This also made me realize that I'd probably make a lousy parent because everything would always be about me. Not like I want to be a parent or like anyone would want me to be their kid's mom. It was just a weird realization.

My Personal Debit Card Fraud: The Conclusion

So the fraudulent charges on my debit card finally cleared today which meant I was able to call Bank of America and officially file a dispute. Apparently, whoever made the charges had a card present which means that someone made a fake card with my information on it. Normally I'd think this was creepy but this happened to me once before when I lived in NJ. Someone had withdrawn as much as they could out of my account at an ATM in NYC and then purchased a Metro Card with the remaining balance. Gotta love thieves. What I don't get about these latest thieves is why they'd choose to buy stamps. I mean, really? Stamps? You have access to someone's account and you choose to buy stamps on three different occasions? Weirdos!

I think the most annoying part of this whole experience was how many times I had to tell a BofA rep that no, I have not been in Texas. The rep today asked me if I was sure I hadn't been there. Do you really think I could forget going out of state let alone, to a place like Texas?

Anyway, they filed the dispute and they are giving me a credit for the amount which is supposed to clear on the 24th. The only thing left for me to do is sign and mail back the affidavit they are sending me. I can't wait to get my new debit card. I am not a fan of using cash because I don't believe in it. I feel like everyone should use a debit card, even though the system obviously has its flaws.

More irony

So the day after my entry about staying positive, what happens? Something negative! I was out having a drink with my friend Erika when I get this email message from Bank of America about possible "irregular activity" on my debit card. I get these a lot from them so I thought it was probably just them being over-protective again but I call anyway because when you get one of these notices, your card has a hold on it. So, I call and wait what seems to be a million years (about 30m min) and finally get to speak to someone who tells me that there were three charges from USPS for $37 and change. Two were in Houston, TX and one was in Richardson, TX. Wtf? I have been nowhere near Texas in years so obviously there is something fraudulent going on. What was annoying was that the representative kept asking me if I'd bought stamps. I said no and he asked me that on a couple of different occasions. Would I really fly all the way to Texas just to buy stamps 3 times? Retarded! Anyway, I wanted to dispute the charges then and there but since they were still in their pending stages I couldn't do so. They told me to call back when the charges clear. Annoying! At this point I just wanted a new card sent out to me. In the meantime, the rep said that I could go to any branch to get a temporary card which I attempted to do this morning but failed at my mission. Apparently, because I opened my account in NJ, they couldn't do it for me. It needed to be a FL account. What? I don't understand that but whatever. I just withdrew some money and left. I just want this to be over already but it will probably take a while because the charges are still pending and they said the amount of time for the dispute to be settled "depends." Fun times ahead!

Anyway, I thought it was ironic that this happened the day after I said I was going to try to be more positive about things. I swear someone out there is testing me. Well, I haven't given up yet! I just hope there aren't any more tests anytime soon. ;)

Staying Positive

So the past few blog entries have been me complaining about everything that's gone wrong but today I decided that I need to take a different approach and not give up on what I want. I need to stay positive about things and continue to try to find a way out. For me this is especially difficult because I am not a very patient person and like things to happen right away, but obviously, this is not always going to be the case. At this point I will not discuss what I have in mind, I will merely do what I have to do and once I am set to go, I will announce my decision.

I also wanted to take a minute to say hi to my readers who I have not yet met. Yes, I have readers who actually read my blog and don't know me personally! How exciting! :) Sure we all write with the intention of having someone read our content, but I really didn't think that ever really happened. I thought that the only people who read my blog (besides myself) were a couple of friends, but today someone signed my guestbook! So I wanted to say hi to Terje and thanks for signing my guestbook! And anyone out there, please feel free to leave me comments either through the site or on my guestbook. I'd love to hear from you! :)

Life is depressing sometimes

Lately I feel like I've been wasting away on my couch, surfing the web and looking at Facebook. I'm feeling really discouraged about everything because it seems like getting out of Florida will be a bigger task than I had anticipated. As a result I have either been laying around being unproductive or gone out drinking (or even stayed in and drank at home). I suppose this is my latest way of dealing with my depression.

Anyway, in order to get out of here now, I will have to either wait for an opening with my company to become available or leave the company entirely. I've been wanting to do the latter for a long time but unfortunately, with today's sucky economy, it will be another difficult task to overcome.

Problem #1: Most companies don't want to bother with an applicant who is not currently residing in the state in which they wish to re-locate to. They have a million other candidates, why settle on the one from out of town?

Problem #2: although I'd love to pick up and leave so that I can look for a job, it's ultra risky. I do have some vacation time saved up but what if I can't find a job in 3 weeks? Chances are I won't, and then what do I do?

Regardless of the problems, I think it might be time to move on. I'm not happy with doing what I am doing and I should do something that motivates me and makes me happy. (Hmm, it's like deja-vu only the last time I had a similar idea it wasn't work I was referring to)

It's funny how these days, things that were once simple are so difficult, like finding a job. I think it's so depressing. Goals that in another point in time were normal and easily attainable seem so far away and unlikely to happen (having a great job, owning a home, being in a perfect relationship). I really expected to have my life be more together at this point in time but I feel like it's a bigger mess than ever, in all aspects. I wonder what will become of me and if it'll all work itself out in the end. All I can do is keep trying.

My ironic life

I hate the way life works out sometimes. As we all know, Valentine's day is coming up and this is the first year in a long time that I will be single for it. My anniversary used to be on this day and every year, it was a hassle to try to get the day off because other people also wanted the day off. Several times I had to work an early shift so that I could at least have the evening free. Well, ironically this year, the year that V-Day means nothing to me and the year that I wouldn't mind working, I get the day off. How annoying is that? I swear, sometimes I feel like there's a higher being controlling my life and torturing me while laughing at my misery.

So anyway, now I have to figure out what I will do that day. Maybe there's some kind of support group for the pathetically single out there. ;)

Pointless Planning

I've come to the conclusion that planning anything is completely pointless because nothing ever goes as planned, or at least for me it doesn't. This happens to me all the time, at home, at work, everywhere and frankly, it's annoying. Why put so much time and effort on something that's bound to fail?

What am I talking about? Well, my most recent pointless planning is my move to San Francisco. I planned everything out and nothing seemed to work out. I won't get into the details but at this point, I feel like the entire thing wasn't meant to be. Sometimes things don't work out for a reason and I really feel this is the case here. As a result, I will go with my original idea which is going back to NYC. I'm not quite setting a date or anything this time around. We'll just see what happens. ;)